Thursday, September 30, 2010

Emergency

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Dream

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Directions

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Death 03

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Death 02

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Death 01

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Matches


Don't Pick Me!!!

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Batman


Hahaha.. Loko-loko to si batman :))

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Biggest Fantasy

Pare 1: Pre, What's your biggest fantasy?

Pare 2: To be kissed by someone in the rain. How about you?

Pare 1: To be that someone pare..

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Pinya

Juan: Oy, ano yan? Pinya? Pahingi nman.

Pedro: Pahingi? Nsaan ka nung ngbu2ngkal ako ng lupa sa ilalim ng init ng araw? Nasaan ka nung ngtatanim ako hbang kumukulog, kumikidlat at bumubuhos ang ulan?Nsaan ka nung oras na ng-aani ako na ngkalat ang mraming ahas sa daanan ko, nung naghihirap ako sa pgpasan ng pinya? Nasaan ka?

Juan: Nakulong ksi ako noon! Nkaptay ako ng madamot!

Pedro: gnun ba? Kuha ka na, khit ilan! May langka pa dun! ^_^

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

CEO

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Cats Cradle

 

Bastos! O_o

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Cafe Handkerchief


O_o

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Bruce


Ka naughty! :))

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Boob


Taking Advantage! :))

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Big Guy

 

Hahaha! Onga naman :))

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1 Shot 4 Kill

 

Muntik na! :))

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Friday, September 24, 2010

Buckethead Feat. Serj Tankian & Shana Halligan - Waiting Hare

 

Wala lang.. Nakaka-adik talaga tong kantang to.. :)

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In The End..

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.

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Meeting You Was..

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

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The Spaces Between..

The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

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Have You Ever..

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

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We Come To Love..

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

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18 Years


Hahaha.. hindi na matiis :))

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ginagawa Pag Lasing

1. Umiiyak Kahit Walang Dahilan

2. nagbibigay Ng Advice Sa Kapwa Lasing

3. kumakanta Ng Sintunado (tataas Pa Ng Kinakanta Ha...)

4. tinatawagan Or Tinetxt Ang Ex Para Makipag-usap Ng Walang Sense

5. nai In Love Na Lang Bigla Pag May Nakitang Maganda O Sexy

6. gingawang Unan Ang Inidoro

7. nagiging Galante

8. kinukwento Ang Buhay Ng Buong Angkan

9. nagiging English Speaking Kahit Wrong Grammar

10. panay Sabi Ng Hindi Na Ako Iinom Habang Nagsusuka..pero Syempre Salitang Lasing Lang Yun

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Malulupet Na Sagot Sa Mga Simpleng Tanong

1. TANONG: San ka nagpunta?
SAGOT: diyan lang.

2. TANONG: Kumaen ka na?
SAGOT: Kanina pa.

3. TANONG: Anong oras ka aalis?
SAGOT: Maya maya

4. TANONG: Anong ginagawa mo?
SAGOT: Wala

5. TANONG: Anong trip mong music?
SAGOT: ung malupet.

6. TANONG: Bakit ganun?
SAGOT: hayaan mo na un

7. TANONG: Ano sabi niya?
SAGOT: Basta

8. TANONG: Hi?
SAGOT: Hu u?

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1000 Pesos

a nerd ask her hot and sexy classmate 2 have sex with him..

nerd: sex tyo! babayaeran kita 1 libo, bibilisan ko, ta2pon ko ung 1 libo sa sahig. tuwad ka habang pinupulot mo,pagtayo mo tapos na ko isex ka.

sexy: tawagin ko bf ko kung payag sya.
tinawag nya

bf: cge payag ako,bilisan mo lang para walang mangyari.

after 10 minutes

bf: ano nakuha mo n pera?

sexy: aaahhhhhh...hindi p e....aaahhhh!!

bf: ha? bakit?

sexy: tig pipiso ksi eh

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Doktor At Seksi

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist.

"Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel
that he's gone too far, and he deserves it."

"Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own
reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you."

"Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides
the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand..."

"Did he hold your hand like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now"

"If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means he
doesn't want to be separated from you."

"Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing."

"It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side"

"Then he kissed me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me."

"If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. It
means he adores you."

"Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor... exactly like that"

"It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you."

"Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... "

"Did you resist?"

"No. I let him do it, coz I love him..."

"Did he take off your clothes like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......"

"He still doesn't deserve to be called "Bastard, because it means he wanna
learn about your body completely."

"Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..."

........................

"Did he do it just like what we do?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same"

"You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you."

"But then he told me that he has AIDS"


All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,"
BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!"

Patay kang bata ka... Ang hilig hilig mo kasi..he..he....

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Mayayabang Na Turista

May isang intsik na turista sa pinas na sumakay ng taxi.. tinanong sya ng driver..
Driver: Ilang taon nyo ginawa ung Great Wall of China?
Intsik: Mga 1 year lang..
Driver: Tangena ang yabang!

Next ung European at nagtanong uli ung driver..
Driver: Ilang taon nyo binuo ung eiffel tower?
European: Mga 8 months lang naman..
Driver: Tangena grabe talaga angas ng mga turista!

Next ung Amerikano at nagtanong uli ung driver..
Driver: Ilang taon bo bago na-build ung Twin Towers?
Amerikano: 6 months nga lang eh..

Napadaan sila sa Mall of Asia at biglang nagtanong ang mga turista..

Turista: Ilang taon nyo nabuo ang mall na yan?
Driver: Kanina pagdaan ko wala pa yan eh..

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Mga Pamatay Na Banat

=======================================

2 grade two students ang naiwan sa classroom


girl: bakit ka nakatitig sa nameplate ko?

boy: inantay ko kasi malipat ung apelyido ko eh.

=======================================

pag nadulas ka sa harap ng crush mo...
ang the best na palusot:





"see how i fall for you?"
awwts

=======================================

mas matindi kung ito maririnig mo sa crush mo:

alam mo parang tumataba ka...


bumibilog...

at unti-unting...



nagiging mundo ko...

=====================================


boy: tapos na ba mga exams mo?

girl: bakit mo naman tinatanong yan?

boy: para ako naman sagutin mo!

=====================================

GF na selosa: napakadami mong babae! Sabihin mo nga sa aken, sino ba talaga ang laman ng puso mo?
BF: Malay ko, kaw laging may dala eh...

=====================================

BOY:anong english ng mahal kita?
GiRL: i love you..
Boy: i love you too..

=====================================


boy: alam mo ba? ang bigas, gasolina, pamasahe, tuition fee, isda, karne, lahat sila nagmamahalan...

girl: eh ano ngayon?

boy: tayo na lang kaya ang hindi!

========================================

a sweet fight

gf: ayoko na talaga! dadalhin ko na lahat ng sa'kin. hindi na ko babalik!

[paglabas ni gf sa pinto]

bf: hoy! babae! may nakalimutan ka!

gf: ano?

bf: hindi ano! AKO!


=======================================

boy: ang ganda ng mundo.
girl : bakit mo naman nasabi?
boy: (sabay tingin sa girl) dahil ikaw ang mundo ko!

=======================================


boy: excuse me miss? may lahi ba kayo ng kuto?

girl: wala naman bakit?

boy: hindi ka kasi mawala sa ulo ko...

=======================================

Boy: Ahhhmmm.. Siguro ang galing mong mag-puzzle noh?!
Girl: Hala?! Ano?! Bkit?!
Boy: Kasi umaga palang... Binuo mo na ang araw ko...

=======================================

Boy: Ako na ang mag'babayad ng tuition fee mo.
basta ang pag'aralan mo lang ay ang mahalin ko.

=======================================

Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard? Kasi type kita eh.

=======================================

Noong minahal kita, daig ko pa na'traffic sa EDSA.
I can’t move on.

=======================================

Alam mo bang scientist ako? At ikaw ang Lab ko!

=======================================

Mahilig ka ba sa asukal?? Ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

=======================================

boy:miss pustiso kaba?
girl:bakit nmn ha?!
boy:i cant smile w/o u kc eh

======================================

boy:di ka ba napapgod?
girl:nde,,bkt?
boy:knina kapa kc 2matakbo sa icp ko eh

======================================

boy: 'kala ko ba malakas instinct ng mga girls.
girl: syempre naman, madali kaming makaramdam kung may nangyayari na.
boy: ganun? eh bakit di mo nararamdaman na mahal na kita?

======================================

boy: alam mo isa na lang ang kulang sa buhay mo.
girl: pano mo naman nasabi yan?
boy: simple lang. hindi pa kasi tayo eh.

======================================

"Science has proven that sugar melts in water. So please don't walk in the rain..otherwise i will lose such a SWEET person like you."

======================================

SO: Mahirap nga e, so anong plano mo? (While we were planning to take our leave sa office para makapagbakasyon)

Ako: Plano? Ganun pa rin, maging asawa mo. (First time na bring up ang asawahan)

=======================================

Siya(Getting Irritated): Ano ba kasi hinahanap mo? Tagal na nating umiikot e. La pa rin ba?
ako: Di ko nga rin alam e. Basta pag nakita ko lam ko, yun na yun. Parang ikaw, nung una kitang nakita lam ko ikaw na.

======================================

boy1: parang nakita kitang tumambay dito kahapon ah
girl: hindi kaya ako dumaan dito kahapon
boy1: hmmm, siguro kasi gusto lang kita makita
... tapos sumali si boy2 sa usapan
boy2: (para kay boy1) di ba may girlfriend ka na sa yakal?
natameme si boy1

======================================

girl: playboy ka daw
boy1: weh? bakit gusto mong malaman
girl: kasi playgirl din ako baka bagay tayo, kaso natatakot ako baka mapadugo kita
boy2: eh mas marami kayang napadugo yan si boy1
girl: ok lang, masokista naman ako

=====================================

guy: ate ano na nga pangalan mo?
ate: ayan ka na naman, nagtatampo tuloy ako sa yo
guy: e ate sa ganda kasi ng pangalan mo di ko na tuloy maalala

======================================

kung pagsasamin ba ang ikaw at ako...... magiging tayo?

======================================

boy: teacher ka ba?
girl: sorry hindi, bakit naman pumasok sa isip mo yan?
boy: uhm, wala lang, tinuruan mo kasi akong magmahal.

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Boy: Pag dineretso ko ba tong daan na 'to, diretso ba 'to sa puso mo?

======================================


Boy: Pag pinagsama ba ikaw at ako magiging tayo???

======================================

(habang naglalakad) boy:TARA SA PRESINTO
girl;?????bakit naman?!!
boy: kc u stole my heart eh

=====================================

boy: hindi ka ba hinahanap sa inyo?
girl: bakit naman?
boy: kc lagi kang nasa isip ko

====================================

palusot ng bobong manliligaw:

bobo: hindi naman totooang sinasabi nila na bobo ako. May isip din naman ako at Ikaw lang lagi ang nandun.

=====================================

boy: kung sakaling maging dalawa ba ang puso mo. maari bang ako naman ang mahalin non?

=====================================

ano ang height mo?
paano ka nagkasya sa puso ko?


====================================


I'm a bee,can you be my honey

====================================

may license ka ba?
coz your driving me crazy

====================================

girl: nakakainis naman. Ang bagal.
boy: (siyempre sasagot ka? habang pinagpapawisan) oo nga ang bagal ng elevator no?
girl: hindi. ikaw! ang bagal mo kasing dumiskarte.

====================================

"lika nga dito..."
siya, "bakit?"
"tignan mo nga yun, DON'T LEAVE YOUR VALUABLES UNATTENDED"

====================================

girlfriend: HOY! Bakit 1/100 ka lang sa exam????

Boyfriend: Ikaw lang kasi ang TAMA sa buhay ko...

====================================

------------------------
may dalawang lalake...
------------------------

unang lalake: pare bakit hangang ngaun wala ka pang GF? tingnan mo ako nakakailan na...

pangalawang lalake: hindi pare...manhid ka lang eh...

====================================

ikaw b ang may ari ng krayola?


kc kinukulayan mo ang buhay ko.

para ka kamong kulangot!

...you're so hard to get!

===================================

anak ka ba ni Lord?

kc... sinasamba kita!

nye.

==================================

sana "V" na lang ako..

para i'm always next to "U"


=================================


girl: excuse me. may relo ka ba?
boy: oo, bakit, magtatanong ka ba kung anong oras na?
girl: hindi, itatanong ko lang kelan mo ko liligawan.

=================================

Pagtatapat na Addict:

Boy Addict : adik man ako sayong paningin. subukan mong tumingin sa akin maadik ka rin!

==================================

marunong ka bang magalaga?
mag-alaga ng kahit ano...
cguro oo kc mabait ka nmn...
ipapa-alaga ko sana itong puso ko!
alagaan mo nmn oh..
para hindi na ulit masaktan...

==================================

TAE kba ?
d kc kita matiis e..

==================================

kung aq may business babargain q lahat ng tao
ikaw hindi.
dahil sayo lang aq magmamahal

==================================

sana BASO nalang ako

para your lips will always press against mine.

==================================

GIRL: marunong kbang magduplicate ng susi ?
papagawa sana ako sayo ng kopya

para mkapasok din ako sa puso mo..

BOY: wala nmang susi ang puso e.. palaging BUKAS 'to para sayo.

==================================

Manong Guard: miss wag ka muna pumasok GUARD ako d2
check ko muna gamit mo..

napasama ata puso ko

===================================

B: fave subject mo ba ang geometry?
G:bakit?
B:kc kahit anong angle ang cute cute mo eh...

=================================

boy: i never thought i'll love someone this much.

gil: so do i. you're the reason my eyes glitter in happiness

boy: glitter? wow english, pa-cheese burger ka naman. burger, burger, burger.

==================================

nakita ni boy na malungkot na naman si girl:


boy: wanna feel extreme happiness?

girl: how?

boy: it easy. BE MINE!

=================================

girl: umiinom ka na naman.

boy: eh gusto kong tamaan para makalimutan siya.

girl: aanhin mo pa ang alak eh kung sakin palang tinatamaan ka na

===============================

boy: alam mo para kang bisyo.

girl: ang sama mo naman bakit ako naging bisyo?

boy: kasi, alam ko nang masama, pero wala akong magawa, nakaka addict ka eh.

=================================

boy: are you diabetic?

girl: hindi naman.

boy: [nakahinga ng malalim] hay buti naman.

girl: bakit may problema ba?

boy: wala lang. I'm just planning to be the sweetest person for you.

================================


girl: oi sasama ka ba mamaya?

boy: ay hindi ako pwede eh,

girl: bakit naman. ano dahilan?

boy: magreresearch pa kasi ako kung pano ka magiging sakin.

=================================

babae: ilan ba planeta sa mundo
lalake: dalawa lng alam ko eh
babae: bket dalawa lng?
lalake: because its you and me...against the world...

==============================

bukod sa pagiging sexy, anu pa trabaho mo?

WOW! ganda ng legs mo, anung oras b yan nagbubukas?

I hope you know CPR, coz you take my breathe away...

kung ayaw mong mag kaanak sakin, praktisin n lng ntin...

huy! naghahanap ako ng kayamanan, pwede bang matignan yang chest mo?

alam mo ba ang bagay sau? AKO!

9.99 k pra sakin... mgiging 10 k lng pg naging tau...

Summer b pangalan mo, coz you're hot as hell!

kumusta ung langit bago k bumaba d2?

hindi ko kasalanan na mahulog ang loob ko sau, ikaw tong pumatid sakin eh...

please help the homeless, take me home with you...

panadero siguro magulang mo, ang ganda kac ng monay mo...

==========================================

(Humilig siya sa dibdib Ko)
Narinig Nya yung Tibok ng Puso Ko

Honey: Naririnig Ko yung Tibok ng PUso Mo Hon
Me: Malamang, Andyan ka sa Loob eh

==============================

Boy: Sabi nila ang tapang ko daw..Ngayong kasama kita, napatunayan kong duwag pala ako.
Girl: Huh? bakit naman??
Boy: 'Di ko kasi kayang mag-isa kung wala ka!

===============================


bf: ang init no?

gf: oo nga eh, buti na lang andito ka?

bf: bakit naman?

gf: para ka kasing soft cooling breeze.

=============================

boy: [nahihiya]

girl: may nangyayari ba sayo?

boy: wala naman.. kasi nung nakita kita parang pringles na yung tibok ng puso ko.

girl: bakit naman pringles?

boy: kasi nung nakita kita, it popped and now it won't stop.

=====================================


boy: (tumayo patungo sa crush niya) excuse me, can you paint my love?

girl: eh di ba may brush ka naman?

boy: (parang nasupalpal sa sinabi ng babae, nakaisip ng ibang paraan) (binali ang brush niya sabay banat) ayan sira na brush ko, can you paint my love now?

===================================

Boy: Miss are you tired?

Girl: Why????

Boy: Coz u keep running in my mind..

===================================

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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

ERAP, FVR at GMA

(Nakatakas si ERAP, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa farm!)

Terorista 1: ano na nakita mo jan?!

Terorista 2: mga sako lang! Tingnan ko mga laman!

(sinipa ng terorista ang sako)

"meow" sabi ni GMA!

Terorista 2: PUSA!

(sinipa ang isa pang sako)

"aw aw" sabi ni FVR!

Terorista 2: ASO!

(sinipa ang isa pang sako ngunit walang tunog kaya sinipa nya ito ng sinipa, (nasasaktan na si ERAP kya sabi nito)

"PATATAS ako kaya wala kong sound!

Mga tanga!

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Pangarap

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ako ng P250,000 monthly gaya ng daddy ko!

Jody: Wow! Ganyang kalaki ang kita ng daddy mo monthly??

Toto: Hindi!! Yan din ang PANGARAP niya!!!

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Brian Culbertson - On My Mind

 

Felix Pollard! Bago ko lang nalaman ang about sa drummer na to.. May nag recommend kasi ng album na to sa'ken.. Hindi naka lagay kung sino drummer.. Salamat sa nag post nito sa Youtube! Felix Pollard galing mo! \m/ Drummer pala ako kaya me gan'tong post na napadpad dito ^_^

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A Nun Riding A Taxi

Driver: i'd like to ask a favor if i may, sister i've always fantasized kissing a nun

Nun: ok but first you have to be a catholic, 2nd you have to be single

Driver: i am both catholic and single

so the nun fulfills the taxi driver fantasy and kiss him

Driver: thank you but i must confess.. i lied to you.. i am married and im a muslim

Nun: thats ok.. im on my way to a costume party and my real name is BOYET!!!

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Tatay Mu

TATAY: Knock Knock

ANAK: hus der?

TATAY: tatay mu.

ANAK: tatay mu hu?

TATAY: tarantado ka.,.tatay mo to..buksan mo ang pinto

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Kulam

Kulas: Manang, magkano ang magpakulam sa inyo?

Witch: 2,500 pesos.

Kulas: Ha? Bakit ang mahal?

Witch: kasi BARBIE ang gamit ko.

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Meron

SEXY: Maawa ka! meron ako, meron ako!

RAPIST: AHH! Walang meron-meron sa kin! TITIKMAN KITAA!!

SEXY: WAG! AY!

RAPIST: Yaakk!! Meron ka nga! Meron kang itlog. Bakla!!!!

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Sa Loob Ng Klase

Mam: Ok class, kung sino man yun umutot bibigyan ko ng 95 na grade.

PEDRO: Mam ako po! 100 nyo na mam.. Napatae din kasi ako!

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The Elderly Mother

Three sons left home, went out on their own and Prospered. Getting
back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their
elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how
mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well.

So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It
took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind.

Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites
it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live
in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most
of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is
so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good
sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Read more...

10 Best Excuses When You Get Caught Falling Asleep On Your Desk

10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

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Do One Brave Thing Today


Goodluck!

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Fact!

I'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:

> ONCE when it's told to me

> ONCE when it's explained to me

and

> ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it

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Loving Mother?


Hahaha! Yun oh! :))

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Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

1) Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

Read more...

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

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"Mom"

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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Bestfriend

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

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Lagut Ka Mario


Hahaha! Lagut ka talaga Mario! :))

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7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him.'


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? 'Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor. A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

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French vs Pinoy

A Pinoy is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the Frenchman, who nevertheless starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread?"

Pinoy (in a bad mood): "Of course!"

Frenchman (after blowing a huge bubble):
"We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect
in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell
them to the Philippines."

(The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence)

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

Pinoy: "Of Course."

Frenchman (crackling his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling):

"We don't. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all
the peels, seeds and leftovers in container, recycle them, transform
them into jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."

(After a moment of silence and feeling irritated already, the Pinoy asked ...)

Pinoy: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why, of course we do!", he says with a big smirk.

Pinoy: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Pinoy: "We don't! In my dear homeland, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into bubble gum and sell them to France!"

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Sa Library

Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.

ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.

LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

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Ubo Ng Ubo

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.

BOY2: bakit?

BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.

Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.

BOY2: papansin lang yun!

BOY1: bakit?

BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

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Child Support

Divorced Father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.

Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.

Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

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Ubo

DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.

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Lesson For Today

TEACHER: okay class our lesson for today is science. What is science?

PEDRO: ako ma'am! Ako ma'am!

TEACHER: okay Pedro, what is science?

PEDRO: science is our lesson for today.

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Both

MRS: hon, am I pretty or ugly?

MR: uhm.. both..

MRS: anong both? Pwedeng pretty and ugly?

MR: ang ibig ko sabihin, you're pretty ugly.

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Sa Bakery

[Sa Bakery]

Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.

Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!

Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!

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Kids Are Quick

[Kids Are Quick]
____________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLYNN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLYNN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glynn, why do you always get so dirty?
GLYNN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Mga Bagong Salawikaing Pilipino

[Mga Bagong Salawikaing Pilipino]

* Ang buhay ay parang bato, it"s hard.
* Better late than pregnant.
* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
* It"s better to cheat than to repeat!
* Do unto others ... then run!!!
* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
* When all else fails, follow instructions.
* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
* To err is human, to errs is humans.
* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit
* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
* Birds of the same feather that prays together ... stays together.
* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.
* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
* Better late than later.
* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
* No man is an island because time is gold.
* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!
* When it rains ... it floods.
* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
* If you can"t beat them, shoot them. (Nalundasan)
* An apple a day is too expensive.
* An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung ang garden mo"y sementado
* Aanhin pa ang damo kung bato na ang uso

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Horror Movie


Hahaha! Nakakatakot nga! O_o

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Mabentang Pick-Up Lines

1. Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo.
2. I'm a bee, can you be my honey?
3. May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita.
4. Papupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi puso ko.
5. Are you a dictionary? Cause you add meaning to my life.
6. I lost my number. Can I have yours?
7. I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?
8. Ice ka ba? Crush kita, okay lang?
9. Sweswertihin ka sa pagibig ngayong taon, pag naging akin ka.
10. Meralco ka ba? Pag ngumiti ka kasi may spark.
11. Bangin ka ba? Nahulog kasi ako sa'yo.
12. May butas ba yang puso mo? Natrap kasi ako, can't find my way out.
13. Pustiso ka ba? Kasi I can't smile without you.
14. Nabibingi ka na ba? Coz my heart has been screaming out your name for quite some time now.
15. Tapos na ba ung exam mo? Para ako naman sagutin mo.
16. Ok lang na ako ang magbayad ng tuition fee mo? Basta pag-aralan mo lang akong mahalin.
17. Alam mo ba na scientist ako? At ikaw yung LAB ko.
18. May lisensya ka ba? Coz you're driving me crazy.
19. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo? May sira ata relo ko. Pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko.
20. Aanhin pa ang gravity, kung lagi lang akong mahuhulog sa iyo?
21. Mahilig ka ba magluto na pancit canton? Kasi pag kasama kita, feeling ko, "LUCKY ME."
22. Am i a bad shooter? Coz i keep on missing you.
23. Kung posporo ka at posporo din ako, eh di MATCH tayo.
24. Favorite subject mo ba geometry? Kasi kahit anong angle, ang cute mo.
25. Kapag ako may tindahan, lahat ng tao bebentahan ko ng mura, sayo lang hindi, dahil sayo lang ako magmamahal.
26. Alarm clock ka ba? Ginising mo kasi ang natutulog kong puso eh.
27. Pwede ka bang makatabi pag may exam? Cause i feel perfect beside you.
28. May mapa ka ba diyan? Para alam ko ang daan papunta sa puso mo.
29. Excuse me! Miss alam mo ba yung kasabihan ng mga Pilipino?
30. Di ka ba nahihirapan sa sitwasyon natin? Hanggang friends na lang ba tayo?
31. Kung pumanaw man ang Selyang naging irog ni Balagtas, ngayon nakita ko na ang isang (name of girl), na magbibigay sa akin ng kasiyahan o kabiguaang aking inaasam asam, (name of girl) wag mo sanang palubugin ang araw sa tanghaling tapat, tumingin ka sa aking mata at sabihin mong hindi mo ako mahal, at habang buhay kitang lulubayan.
32. Pagod ka na noh? Maghapon ka na kasing tumatakbo sa isip ko.
33. Hindi tayo tao, hindi rin tayo hayop. Bagay tayo! Bagay!
34. Minamalat na nanaman puso ko. Paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo!
35. Uy papicture tayo para ma-develop tayo!
36. Can I take your picture? Coz i want to show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas!
37. Centrum ka ba? Kasi you make my life complete!
38. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar? Kasi single kasi ako!
39. Umutot ka ba? Kasi you blew me away!
40. Sana T na lang ako, para I'm always next to U.
41. Great person, ikaw yan. Great friend, ikaw rin yan. Great looks, sa'yo talaga yan. Great heart, sa'yo pa in yan. Great taste, sobra ka na. KAPE na yan.
42. Kahapon nasaktan ako nung makita ko siya, di na niya kasi ako kilala pero nung tinitigan ko siyang mabuti, na-realize ko di ko din pala sya kilala. Kaya naman pala.
43. Aanhin pa ang alak kung sa akin pa lang, tinatamaan na sila.
44. Siguro magaling kang mag-CPR kasi napatibok mo ulit ang puso ko!
45. Camera ka ba? Kasi you make me smile.
46. Noong minahal kita, talo mo pa ang traffic sa EDSA. I CANT MOVE ON!
47. You're like dandruff. I can't get you out of my head.
48. Eraser ka ba? Kasi binura mo ang masasamang ala-ala ko.
49. Pwede ba kitang maging driver? Para ikaw na magpatakbo ng buhay ko.
50. BOY: Is this seat taken? GIRL: NO, and so am I.
51. Is your dad a terrorist? Coz you're the BOMB baby!
52. Excuse me, alam mo ba kung anong oras na? Tumigil kasi ang mundo nang makita kita.
53. Nasaan ka kagabi? Wala ka kasi sa panaginip ko.
54. Nasa impyerno na ba ako? Coz you're so HOT!
55. Gusto ko nang mamatay, para makasama na ang anghel na tulad mo!
56. (Name of girl), sa dinadami ng babaeng dumaan sa buhay ko, ni isa wala pa akong minahal. Kung sakali ngayon pa lang, isang bagay lang ang ikinakatakot ko. Ang malamang mahal mo na ako pero may kapiling na akong iba.
57. Hindi ka ba napapagod, kasi kanina ka pa takbo ng takbo sa utak ko.
58. Napaos na naman ako sa kakasigaw ng pangalan mo.
59. Uy, question? Can you recommend a good banker where I can make a deposit? Coz I'm planning to save all my love for you.
60. May free time ka ba? Samahan mo naman ako sa psychiatrist. Magdala daw kasi ako ng kinababaliwan ko.
61. Oi bukas sisingilin na kita ng renta ha, kasi matagal ka ng nakatira sa puso ko.
62. Excuse me. Kung dederetchohin ko ba ang daan na ito, dederetcho ba ito sa puso mo?
63. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzles noh? Kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko binubuo mo na.
64. Exam ka ba? Kasi gustong gusto na kitang i-take home eh.
65. Uy sabi ng doctor malala na daw ang sakit ko sa puso. Dalawa na lang daw ang option: either ICU or you see me.
66. Ibibili kita ng salbabida, kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.
67. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight, o gusto mong dumaan ulit ako?
68. Kung bola ka at ako ang player, mashoo-shoot ba kita? Hindi, kasi lagi kitang mamimiss.
69. Wag kang maooffend ha, pero sa tingin ko, magnanakaw ang mga magulang mo. Ninakaw lahat ng bituin sa langit at inilagay sa mga mata mo.
70. Ms., cardiologist ka ba? Pwede mo po bang alagaan ang puso ko?
71. Nakakatakot di ba ang multo? Pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko.
72. boy: you deserve everything and i deserve nothing! girl: i am nothing and you are my everything... now, do we deserve each other?
73. i know it is not possible for me to rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together, but in my keyboard U and I are beside each other.
74. kung naging ALAK ka lang... malaki siguro matitipid ko sa inuman... kasi tinititigan palang kita... TINATAMAAN na ako.
75. i'm not acting nice for you to like me.. i'm acting the way you make me when i'm with you.. even just seeing or hearing you..
76. if i lose you..il do everything to find you..if i lose your love, that would be the end of everything for me...
77. Boy: hoi! Wlang peDestrian lane ang uTak ko! Girl: eh anO ngayoN?? Boy: bA't lagi kang tUmatawid sa isipan ko?!
78. dumadami na ang mga single ngayon . .para mabawasan na cla . gusto mo TAYO NA?? :D
79. boy : do you like me ? girl : in your dreams ! boy : then il sleep and dream now ....
80. peter pan once said:"if you close your eyes and think about something you really want ..YOU'LL FLY .."But how come everytime i think of you .. I FALL ?? :) ♥
81. "Aanhin pa ang damo, kung sayo pa lang may tama na ko."

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The Bat Signal


The real deal behind the bat signal! Hahaha! Kawawa naman :c

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Resigning Today


Hindi na kelangan Explain pa! :))

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Friday the 13th


Hahaha! Wawa.. Hindi 13 ang friday ngayong buwan! :))

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

09152010 Playlist [Smooth Jazz]

My compiled Smooth Jazz mp3 as my current Winamp Playlist ^_^

1. 3D - Georgy Porgy (4:17)
2. Acoustic Alchemy - Reference Point (4:32)
3. Alan King - Let It Ring (I Love It) (4:16)
4. Alphonse Mouzon - When Linda Smiles (3:48)
5. Andrew Neu - South By Southwest (5:37)
6. Andrew Neu feat. Bobby Caldwell - Next Time I Fall In Love (Vocal) (3:49)
7. Andrew Neu feat. Brian Bromberg - Libra Rising (5:53)
8. Andrew Neu feat. Chuck Loeb - Chez Cool (4:36)
9. Andrew Nue - Babe (3:22)
10. Andrew Nue - Clear View (3:42)
11. Andrew Nue - Come To Me (4:29)
12. Andrew Nue - Moving On (4:18)
13. Anita Baker - Sweet Love (4:23)
14. Basia - Yearning (5:22)
15. Bill Evans - Celtic Junction (6:06)
16. Bill La Bounty - Livin' It Up (4:21)
17. Bill Medley - I've Had The Time Of My Life (4:50)
18. Bob Baldwin feat. Chuck Loeb - Never Can Say Goodbye (4:57)
19. Bobby Broom - She's My Reason (5:44)
20. Brandon Fields - Old San Juan (4:51)
21. Brenda Russel & Joe Esposito - Piano In The Dark (5:19)
22. Brenda Russell - The Tracks Of My Tears (4:52)
23. Brian Bromberg - Heaven (5:44)
24. Brian Bromberg - Mercy Mercy Mercy (6:55)
25. Brian Bromberg - Mr. Miller (6:01)
26. Brian Bromberg - Slap Happy (5:44)
27. Carrie Lucas - Sometimes A Love Goes Wrong (4:07)
28. Chiara Civello - Here Is Everything (4:54)
29. Chuck Loeb - As Is (5:16)
30. Chuck Loeb - Bread & Butter (5:28)
31. Chuck Loeb - Buttercup
32. Chuck Loeb - Chiringito
33. Chuck Loeb - Double Life (4:45)
34. Chuck Loeb - Fundamentally Sound
35. Chuck Loeb - Geraldine (6:38)
36. Chuck Loeb - High Five (4:57)
37. Chuck Loeb - Home, James (6:08)
38. Chuck Loeb - Jumpstart
39. Chuck Loeb - Listen
40. Chuck Loeb - Love Is All
41. Chuck Loeb - Rock with You
42. Chuck Loeb - Silver Star (5:16)
43. Chuck Loeb - Spanish Nights
44. Chuck Loeb - Tenerife Blue (5:19)
45. Chuck Loeb - The Girl From Ipanema (4:58)
46. Chuck Loeb - True Or False
47. Claire Marlo - Til They Take My Heart Away
48. D'Sound - Dancing Into The Moonlight
49. D'Sound - Slow Dancing, French Kissing
50. D'Sound - Smooth Escape
51. Dan Siegel Feat Kenny Rankin - Next To You (3:31)
52. Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour - Dindi (4:57)
53. Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour - Girl from Ipanema
54. Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour - Mojave
55. Dave Grusin & Lee Ritenour - Waters Of March
56. Dave Grusin - An Actor's Life (5:06)
57. Dave Grusin - Early A.M. Attitude (4:58)
58. Dave Grusin - Fascinating Rhythm (5:01)
59. Dave Grusin - Friends And Strangers (5:59)
60. Dave Grusin - Mountain Dance (6:16)
61. Dave Grusin - Peter Gunn
62. Dave Grusin - Rag-Bag (4:31)
63. Dave Grusin - Rondo... If You Hold Out Your Hand (4:37)
64. Dave Grusin - St. Elsewhere
65. Dave Valentine - Marcosinho
66. Dave Weckl Band - Panda's Dream (5:26)
67. Dave Weckl Band - Synergy (7:16)
68. David Benoit - American Landscape
69. David Benoit - Earthglow (4:25)
70. David Benoit - Every Step Of The Way (4:04)
71. David Benoit - Freedom At Midnight (The Schoroeder Variations)
72. David Benoit - Freedom At Midnight (4:14)
73. David Benoit - Human Nature
74. David Benoit - Kei's Song
75. David Benoit - Key To You
76. David Benoit - Light My Fire (4:00)
77. David Benoit - Mountain Dance
78. David Benoit - New Creation (3:25)
79. David Benoit - Wailea
80. David Benoit - Watermelon Man (5:22)
81. David Benoit - Your Song
82. David Dyson - Hot Sauce-Extra Spicy
83. David Dyson - Hot Sauce
84. David Dyson - Quick Witted
85. David Garfield - Desert Hideaway
86. David Garfield - For The Love Of You (6:32)
87. David Garfield - The One With A Broken Heart (5:03)
88. David Garfield - Time Will Tell
89. David Garfield - Tok
90. David Sanborn - Isn't She Lovely
91. David Sanborn - Love Will Come Someday (6:20)
92. David Sanborn feat. Lizz Wright - Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight
93. Diane Schuur - As
94. Diane Schuur - I Can't Stop Loving You (3:32)
95. Diane Schuur - Ordinary World
96. Dianne Reeves - Better Days (5:31)
97. Doug Cameron - Journey to You (5:47)
98. Doug Cameron - These Are the Moments (5:06)
99. Earl Klugh - Doc
100. Fourplay & Eric Benet - The Christmas Song (5:46)
101. Fourplay & Patti Austin - The Closer I Get To You (5:01)
102. Fourplay - 101 Eastbound
103. Fourplay - After the Dance
104. Fourplay - Amazing Grace (4:46)
105. Fourplay - Anytime of Day
106. Fourplay - Auld Lang Syne
107. Fourplay - Bali Run (5:32)
108. Fourplay - Comfort Zone
109. Fourplay - Fortune Teller (5:53)
110. Fourplay - Let's Make Love (3:56)
111. Fourplay - Monterey
112. Fourplay - Once In The A.M. (6:31)
113. Fourplay - Prelude For Lovers (3:09)
114. Fourplay - Snowbound (5:03)
115. Fourplay - The Whistler (5:26)
116. Fourplay - The Yes Club
117. Fourplay - Wish You Were Here (6:11)
118. Fun Lovin' Criminals - I'm Not In Love
119. George Benson & Al Jarreau - Breezin'
120. George Benson & Al Jarreau - Everytime You Go Away
121. George Benson & Al Jarreau - Morning (5:03)
122. George Benson & Al Jarreau - Ordinary People (5:19)
123. George Benson & Al Jarreau - Summer Breeze
124. George Benson & Earl Klugh - Since You're Gone
125. GRP All-Star - An Actor´s Life (Live)
126. GRP All-Star - Early A. M. Attitude (Live)
127. GRP All-Star - Oasis
128. GRP All-Star - Water From The Moon Earth Run (Live) (6:38)
129. Incognito - Beneath the Surface
130. Incognito - Deep Waters
131. Incognito - Everybody Loves The Sunshine
132. Incognito - Everyday (4:05)
133. Incognito - Hold On to Me (5:21)
134. Incognito - Still A Friend Of Mine
135. Incognito - That's The Way Of The World (8:58)
136. Incognito - Tin Man
137. Inger Marie Gundersen - Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight
138. Jamie Lancaster - It Ain't Over Till Its Over
139. Kenny Rankin - On & On (3:32)
140. Kevyn Lettau - Sunlight
141. L.A. Chillharmonic - Alvinator (5:01)
142. L.A. Chillharmonic - Checking You Out
143. L.A. Chillharmonic - L.A. Chillharmonic
144. L.A. Chillharmonic - What We Do Here (4:13)
145. Larry & Lee - After The Rain
146. Larry & Lee - Lots About Nothin'
147. Larry & Lee - Up And Adam (6:12)
148. Larry Carlton - Smiles And Smiles To Go (5:46)
149. Lee Ritenour - A Liitle Bumpin' (4:29)
150. Lee Ritenour - Am I Wrong (4:07)
151. Lee Ritenour - Boss City
152. Lee Ritenour - Dolphin Dreams (5:09)
153. Lee Ritenour - Drifting
154. Lee Ritenour - Etude (3:06)
155. Lee Ritenour - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic
156. Lee Ritenour - Exodus (5:21)
157. Lee Ritenour - Give Me One Reason (5:16)
158. Lee Ritenour - I Can't Let Go
159. Lee Ritenour - In Your Dreams
160. Lee Ritenour - Is It You
161. Lee Ritenour - Isn't She Lovely (4:33)
162. Lee Ritenour - Lil Bumpin'
163. Lee Ritenour - Lovely Day (5:57)
164. Lee Ritenour - Mister Reggae
165. Lee Ritenour - Moon River (4:59)
166. Lee Ritenour - Night Rhythms (6:00)
167. Lee Ritenour - No Woman No Cry
168. Lee Ritenour - Rio Funk (5:08)
169. Lee Ritenour - Rit's House
170. Lee Ritenour - Shape Of My Heart (4:48)
171. Lee Ritenour - Smoke 'N' Mirrors (5:06)
172. Lee Ritenour - The Inner Look (5:16)
173. Lee Ritenour - This Is Love (4:47)
174. Lee Ritenour - Waiting In Vain (5:10)
175. Les Sabler - Biggest Part Of Me (4:44)
176. Les Sabler - Could You Be (4:18)
177. Les Sabler - Daydreaming (Instrumental) (5:42)
178. Les Sabler - Lonely Girl
179. Les Sabler - Overjoyed
180. Les Sabler - Peace River Suite (5:29)
181. Les Sabler - Struttin (4:58)
182. Les Sabler - Turn Of The Century (4:02)
183. Marc Antoine - Sunland
184. Marilyn Scott - Change
185. Marilyn Scott - Flame
186. Marilyn Scott - Icebox
187. Marilyn Scott - Round & Round (5:02)
188. Marilyn Scott - Share It
189. Marion Meadows - I Believe I Can Fly
190. Max Bennett & Freeway - Fancy Pants (5:00)
191. Metro - Maikl Burekka (For MB) (7:44)
192. Metro - Tell Me a Thousand Times
193. Metro - The Red Fish (7:52)
194. Michael Franks - Barefoot On The Beach (5:04)
195. Mike Francis - Lovely Day (6:44)
196. Miles Davis - Human Nature (4:28)
197. N.Y. L.A. Dream Band - Countdown (8:07)
198. Nils Gessinger - Double Threat
199. Nils Gessinger - Frozen (4:03)
200. Nils Gessinger - Holiday Me
201. Nnenna Freelon - Creepin'
202. Nnenna Freelon - Lately
203. Nnenna Freelon - My Cherie Amour (3:51)
204. Nnenna Freelon - Overjoyed (4:48)
205. Nnenna Freelon - Superstition (5:31)
206. Nnenna Freelon - Until You Come Back to Me
207. Norman Brown - Just Chillin
208. Omar - There's Nothing Like This
209. Otela Adams - Get Here
210. Pat Kelley - Good News
211. Pat Kelley - Sweet Mishief (4:38)
212. Paul Anka - Everybody Hurts (4:12)
213. Paul Anka - Smells Like Teen Spirit (2:42)
214. Paul Anka - The Way You Make Me Feel
215. Paul Anka - True
216. Paul Brown - Ain't No Sunshine
217. Paul Brown - Dear Ndugu (3:39)
218. Paul Brown - Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight
219. Paul Brown - Moment By Moment (4:32)
220. Paul Brown - Phat City (4:47)
221. Paul Jackson Jr. - Where Is The Love (4:13)
222. Pauline Wilson - Stay (4:14)
223. Pauline Wilson - You Are The Sunshine Of My Life
224. Peter Cincotti - Are You The One
225. Peter White & Christopher Cross - She's In Love
226. Ricky Peterson - Livin' It Up (3:44)
227. Rodney Jones - Ain't No Sunshine
228. Santana - Victory Is Won (5:20)
229. Smooth Project - Afs 75 (3:34)
230. Smooth Project - Groove #1 (3:16)
231. Smooth Project - I'm Just Lovin' You (3:07)
232. Smooth Project - Look for the Girl
233. Smooth Project - Lovely Summer (4:50)
234. Smooth Project - On Larry Side
235. Smooth Project - Saturday Flight
236. Smooth Project - Smooth Bossa
237. Smooth Project - Smooth Soap
238. Spyro Gyra - Catching the Sun (4:43)
239. Spyro Gyra - Here Again (4:57)
240. Spyro Gyra - Lovin' You (5:51)
241. Spyro Gyra - Morning Dance (Live)
242. Spyro Gyra - Percolator
243. Spyro Gyra - Philly (4:19)
244. Spyro Gyra - Westwood Moon (4:55)
245. Spyro Gyra - What Exit
246. Spyro Gyra - You Can Count On Me (3:26)
247. Stanley Clarke - Just Cruzin' (4:26)
248. Stanley Clarke - Simply Said (4:34)
249. Stanley Clarke - Where Is the Love (4:06)
250. Tal Wilkenfeld - The River Of Life
251. The Glenn Miller Orchestra - In The Mood (3:38)
252. The Rippingtons & Dave Koz - Be Cool
253. The Rippingtons & Russ Freeman - Angela (4:50)
254. Tom Hemby - Schemes And Dreams (4:40)
255. Tom Scott - Keep This Love Alive
256. Toto - Georgy Porgy (4:09)
257. Umberto Fiorentino - When I Fall In Love
258. Vibes Alive - Lighthouse
259. Vibes Alive - Lunch Truck (3:47)
260. Vibes Alive - Open Door (4:05)
261. Will Young - Your Love Is King
262. Wolfgang Haffner feat. Kim Sanders - It`s Not Safe (5:01)
263. Yellowjackets - Freedomland
264. Yellowjackets - Local Hero (4:40)

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Dark Place

GF: san tau?
BF: sa dark place.
GF: ha?
BF: trust me.
GF: ok!

Pagdating dun..

GF: bkit k naghuhubad?
BF: wag kang maingay...,
GF: maghuhubad dn b ako?
BF: bkit? Tatae ka rin ba?

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Calendar Method

Thelma: Sabi mo, dok, safe ang calendar method. Eh, bakit ako nabuntis?

Dok: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?

Thelma: Ginawa naming banig.

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D.N.A.

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??

Police: DNA na...

REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???

Police: "Di Namin Alam "

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Cine [Bisaya]

BF: Day, manan-aw ta ug cine.
GF: Unya, Di kaha ko nimo hilabtan?
BF: Dili lagi. promise.
GF: Di ka mangagbay?
BF: Dili.
GF: Di ka manghalok?
BF: Dili jud.
GF: Dili ka manghikap?
BF: Dili  lagi.
GF: Ay na! ikaw na lang tan-aw ug cine!!!

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Inano [Bisaya]

INANO1: Paita ani uy. Di man gyud mobarog ako-a!
(Samtang iyang madungog sa pikas kwarto.)

INANO2: Padung na sab ko...1...2...3...ugh!
(Tibuok gabii.)

Pagka-ugma..

INANO1: Komusta man gabii pre? Pwerte gyud nakong uwawa uy. Wa man gyud mobarog si junior!

INANO2: Kana, imong gika-uwaw? Wa man gani ko nga ultimo pagkat-kat sa katre, wa gyud ko kahimo!

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Busina

BF: susunduin na lng kita mamaya ha..bubusina n lang ako pag nsa hrap n ko ng bahay nio..

GF: o cge ..anong sasakyan dadalin mo?

BF: wala.. BUSINA lng..

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K-9

PO 1: Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir!

SUPT: Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K-10, hindi na sila aso

PO 1: Ano na sila sir?

SUPT: maliit na pusa...

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Tower 99.5 (Tower of Perspiration)


My good friend Raffy Donato & colleagues with their version of Dave Weckl's Tower 99. Astig yung version nila.. Panoorin nyo! \m/

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Jogging

May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging:

Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako!

Ikaw pre?

Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.

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Laging Late

Guro: Pedro late kana naman.

Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko.

Guro: Problema bay un. E di i-advance mo.

Pedro: Sige po.

Guro: Oh, saan ka pupunta?

Boy: uwian na! hehe

Yan ang studyante matalino.

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Sa Barberya

[Sa Barberya]

Barbero: Boss, subo nyo itong maliit na bola para pantay ahit ko sa pisngi nyo.

(Pagkatapos ahitin niluwa bola)

Kostomer: Ok to ah! Paano pag nalunok ko?

Barbero: Balik mo na lang bukas pag nai-tae mo na....tulad ng ginagawa ng ibang kostomer.

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Stages of Growth and Development

Stages of Growth and Development:

03-08 yrs. - Paramihan ng Toys.

09-18 yrs. - Pataasan ng Grades.

19-25 yrs. - Paramihan ng Syota.

26-35 yrs. - Pagandahan ng Asawa

36-45 yrs. - Palakihan ng Income.

46-55 yrs. - Padamihan ng Kabit.

56-70 yrs. - Padamihan ng Sakit.

70 yrs. & Above - Pabonggahan ng Libing!!!

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Ang Misteryosong Jeep

Isang gabi sumakay ako sa jeep. Lahat ng pasahero nakatitig sa akin.
Walang umiimik. Sinubukan ko mag bayad pero di nila inaabot ang pera ko.
Kinalabutan ako.

May isang matandang bumulong sa akin, "hindi ka na dapat naparito.
Umalis kana habang kaya mo pa."
Napalunok ako, "ano hong ibig nyo sabihin?"

"INARKILA NAMIN ITO, NOH.."

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A Very Touching Story :c

Matalinong bata si Gareth.
Siya ang pinakamatalino sa nayon nila.
Sasali siya sa quiz bee na gaganapin sa Maynila.
Sa kasawiang palad, hindi siya nanalo.

Malungkot si Gareth dahil baka madisappoint sa kanya ang
mga kanayon niya ngunit nagulat siya nang makauwi
dahil ipinagfiesta siya ng buong nayon.

Lalong nalungkot si Gareth kasi hindi naman siya nanalo.
Nang salubungin siya nang nanay at tatay niya ay niyakap agad siya.

Sinabi ng Gareth ang katotohanan na hindi siya nanalo.
Ngunit sabi ng magulang at kapitbahay niya:

"KUNWARI KAPA!! NARINIG NAMIN SA RADYO... CHAMPION CIGARETTE!!!"

-----
Source: Pinoy Republic

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A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?" Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir." said Eleuterio. " You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the CR, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, 'tang ina, sir, I had alreydi shit in my
pants!"

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
-----
Source: Pinoy Republic

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Unang Post!

Welcome! Ito na ang bagong blog ni ludwig! Yung dating blog will serve as my bookmark.. Sayang din.. ^_^ This will be a humor blog for starters.. Bahala na si batman sa susunod na mangyayari ^_^ Enjoy!

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